America and Hot Dogs

“Sure, I’ve been called a xenophobe, but the truth is, I’m not. I honestly just feel that America’s the best country and all the other countries aren’t as good. That used to be called patriotism.” – Kenny Powers

Our founding fathers prepared the soil on which this dream called freedom was cultivated. To paraphrase the Constitution, here are a couple of the building blocks of America:

1. Freedom
2. Being sweet
3. Kicking ass
4. Overeating

Sure, the US is the fattest country in the world. Who cares? We LOVE food. We love food so much that we honor our nation’s independence with a contest of who can consume the most hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes. Then, after we are through watching human greatness personified, we turn to our very own grills, consume copious amounts of a domestic beer (Im told that nothing is more American than a Blue Ribbon winner), and then watch things explode.

BOOM! Welcome to America, land of the free!



According to Wikipedia, the only truly accredited source of human intelligence, The Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog Eating Contest has occurred almost annually since 1916. “According to legend, on July 4, 1916 four immigrants had a hot dog eating contest at Nathan's Famous stand on Coney Island to settle an argument about who was the most patriotic.” Imagine that. Just prior to World War I, four men from less superior lands adopted the way of OUR land and expressed their love for this fair country by gorging themselves on processed meat products.

Unfortunately, not all great ideas are appreciated in their time and this event trickled into relative obscurity until one Independence day, when a man by the name of Takeru Kobayashi doubled the previous world record by eating 50 hot dogs and buns. Slight problem here: only Americans win American contests on Independence Day. That’s non-negotiable. Kobayashi had a vice grip on the Mustard Belt for six long years. But in 2007, a true American hero by the name of Joseph Christian “Jaws” Chestnut emerged from relative obscurity to consume 66 hot dogs and buns, shock the world and restore American glory. The Mustard Belt was once again rested safely on US soil!




As with World War II, the Japanese struck first, but ultimately found out that the pimp hand of Uncle Sam is oh so strong.



Our hero has since defended the crown two consecutive years in a row, including an epic “Eat off” overtime victory in 2008 and a new world record of 68 hot dogs and buns in 2009. With Kobayashi holding out of the competition for contractual reasons (aka whining like KOBE–yashi), you can put another tally in the win column for the Red, White, and Blue.

So tomorrow, grab an ice cold American beer and allow yourself an hour to bask in the glory of the Stars and Stripes as you witness a young man push himself to the limit and perform the kind of overeating that puts Oprah and Kirstie Alley to shame.